I am mad at you

Today, I conducted my last Product Knowledge Course with my beloved team. This is the last time I will be conducting this particular course with my present company. I love training and I love my staff. All of them, I will miss them very much.

I got into this line because I know training is something that I love and it is something that I have been doing for a long time. But I am angry at someone who took the joy of training away from me. I am angry because someone made me focus o drawing a clean and distinct line between being a trainer and a friend to my staff and because I respected her opinions and her years of experience but this was against my fundamental belief that being a trainer is like being a friend, sharing your knowledge and helping them to grow.

Over the last year and half, I grew close to a lot of my staff and they started to confide in me, they tell me their personal stories, they cry and sometimes I help them see a different point of view. I pushed them to go further in their studies, I challenge them to do more and I watch them grow. I share my lunch breaks and my personal time because I know I make a difference.

But someone took this joy away, she wanted be me to be like her detached and selfish. And this made me upset and confused for a long time. I spoke to some of my staff today and I told them about my departure. One of them said, you cannot leave, we are so used to having you around, having you to chat and one to talk to. We are like you now, we forgot who we were when we started and we are trained by you, so you cannot leave. It breaks my heart so much to have to say I am sorry guys.

So I am so angry at myself and also at someone. The biggest lesson I learn in being a trainer is this, go with your heart and your passion, impart your knowledge and only my heart knows whats best for my staff.

To all my staff, I am sorry I am leaving, I will miss you guys and I will be back to visit.